When I drive on the bypass to the southside of South Bend, there is a heating and air conditioning company I pass (stay with me! I have a point here!). It has an electronic scrolling sign that says the time and temperature and advertises specials for the business. It used to have cutesy little quotes and phrases on it too, but for about a year now, they've been MIA. 

I am THRILLED to announce that the cutesy sayings are BACK! (Seriously, it's the little things in life, isn't it?)

Last night, I was driving home from Jazzercise, and one popped up. The basic message (because I've forgotten the exact wording now) was, "The path is great and it's okay to look to the future, but loving the moment is greater."

BOOM. The idea instantly resonated in my life. 

How often are we looking ahead? Looking forward to what's coming up? Waiting for what comes next? A lot of the time. Maybe even MOST of the time. 

Yet another thing running has taught me is to live in the moment -- to be enjoying what I have and what I'm doing right now, not waiting for another great thing to come along. When I'm running, it doesn't matter if I have papers to grade or bills to pay or plans that evening. My focus goes to right then, what I'm doing in that moment (it has to, otherwise, I would pass out or get hit by a car). I'm forced to focus on just that moment. 

I think this has also translated into my life. Are there things I'm looking forward to down the line? Yes. Absolutely. Gobs of things! But, can I also just be really happy with what I'm doing today? Yes. Absolutely. Gobs of happiness about today! I'm far less worried now about the future than I was before I started training. (Maybe it has nothing to do with running, but it is a nice coincidence if nothing else.) Being able to have things to look forward to every day is really helping me to live in the moment. 

And I think I really like it this way.  

Eat. Sleep. Eat. Repeat.

For the past week or so, my appetite has been insatiable. Literally, day or night, even after I've just had a meal, I want to eat. This past weekend, for instance, I'm pretty sure I was eating every hour on the hour. Nothing is off limits -- anything and everything has been consumed as of late. Partially, I blame National Peanut Butter Day for giving me lots of delicious peanut buttery ideas, many of which I've tried. And for the most part, I eat healthily... just sometimes too much. 

But mostly, I think my body is craving the insane amount of calories I've been putting in it, even on the days I'm not outputting those calories. It's a vicious cycle -- I want to eat enough, more than enough, really, to run effectively, but I need to find the balance so that I'm not eating WAY more than I need to be and gain weight. I really don't want to run with extra poundage on my body if I don't have to. 

I've been doing a lot of reading about carb-loading, what to eat after my runs, etc., but I haven't been paying as much attention to how MUCH I've been eating. Conundrum. 

Also, I've realized that I'm going to have to put myself on a strict 10 p.m. bed time for at least this week, and maybe up until race day. I am a sleeper. I value my sleep. I do not function well without sleep. And I am a firm believer that it is better to use up eight whole hours (or more, if I'm lucky!) on sleep if it means that I get to be a happy, functioning human being the next day! 

Lately, I've been surviving on seven or less hours. This is not boding well for me, my mental state, the tiredness of my body, or my students, who I think have witnessed my snarky attitude more often than I've meant them to. So, at least this week, it's 10 p.m. bed time. 

Yes, half marathon training has made me a chronic eater and 87-years-old. You'll have that. 

Four weeks out!

In just four short weeks, I'll be done with my very first half marathon! This is both exciting and terrifying, but mostly exciting. I have my longest run on Saturday, and then will enjoy three blissful weeks of tapering before the big day. 

I've started looking more at the race web site and Disney, both of which have me incredibly excited. The fact that I'm getting a mini vacation and warmer weather out of this deal are also something to look forward to. I also want to see Mickey and drink my way through Epcot after the race. I'm just ready! :) 

Today, I only had to do three miles. I went out this morning, but about a mile and a half in, the wind picked up and the giant snowflakes started to fall, so I was forced to abort part of the run and head home (with snow and wind smacking me in the face at every step). I'm VERY excited that the rest of the week is calling for above average temperatures (49 on Tuesday!) which will mean a few outdoor runs. I'm sincerely hoping Saturday's run can be done outside, because 12 miles on the dreadmill might make me hate running forever. 

There are some days that I still can't believe my body, or any body, is capable of doing these things. To be able to run seven miles regularly seems unreal to me. It's something I never thought I could do. The fact that people, MANY people, can run 13 miles or 26 miles or 26 miles AFTER a two mile swim and a 100 mile bike ride is so incredibly cool. Bodies are capable of such cool things! 

In an effort to put my body in the best position possible to race, I'm trying to eat cleaner these last four weeks -- complex carbs, not as much junk, lower fat, etc. This is incredibly difficult with the Girl Scout cookies sitting within reach, but I'm trying. :) 

Got any tasty eats you enjoy when gearing up for a run?

Bad day + pizza + beer + frozen yogurt = good run?

Yesterday was a bad day. The morning started off normal enough. My kids were behaving and happy and we were working hard. Then lunch happened and there was a giant, bloody fight and I was in the right place at the right time to help. Once the kids were separated and everyone was taken elsewhere to be dealt with, I attempted to eat, but instead ended up walking down to the main office to cry to my friend Jerra. 

Adrenaline is a weird thing. I was awake and shaking and then when it started to settle, I was just a ball of emotions. See what I mean? Funny thing. 

So, after teaching the rest of the day and filling out paperwork, I knew I needed a drink. Luckily, I was meeting Krissi. We went to BW's (or bDUBBS as it's known to my coworkers), where I had a flatbread pizza and two big beers. Ahhhh. Better. 

Then, after BW's, we went to Let's Spoon for frozen yogurt and a lot of laughing. Even better! 

So, this morning when I awoke, I wasn't sure how the run was going to go. It was terribly windy and sleeting/snowing outside, so off to the dreadmills I went. Roberta and Belinda were there putting in their time on the dreadmills too, so we were all able to tackle our runs together. 

And today was probably my best dreadmill run yet! I ran all seven miles and didn't stop for walk breaks as I sometimes do when on a course that's going nowhere. I also covered the display with a towel so that I could just focus on how I felt and not my speed in numbers. It was a good run too, which is always helpful. 

Apparently I have found the winning combination for great dreadmill runs. Who knew? 

Caitlin the angel trainer

Let me tell you about my day. This morning, I went to school, drank my breakfast smoothie, taught Junior Honors English, went to the bathroom, taught my newspaper class, went to lunch, GOT THE BLISTER UNDER MY TOENAIL POPPED, taught Junior Honors English, taught Journalism, met with my mentor kids, graded on my prep period, went to get coffee with Erica, graded some more, taught Jazzercise, and am now home. 

Can you guess what my favorite part of the day was? 

Okay, really, my favorite part of the day was coffee with E, but my SECOND favorite part was getting this black toenail taken care of! Let me back track...

While Erica is on maternity leave, our athletic trainer Caitlin is subbing in her room. This morning, I went in Parker's room to see her (and Cooper) and complain about the white hot searing pain that was my toenail. Enter Caitlin. "I can help," she said, "since that is my job!" 

So, I walk in to lunch and Caitlin has a tissue and a sterilized bulletin board push pin. "Come with me," she says. I'm desperate for relief, so I do. We walk in to an open cubicle and she instructs me to sit down and put my foot on the desk. I nervously start telling a story during this process, thinking that perhaps if I focus on something, I won't feel the pain that's about to take place. 

About a minute later, Caitlin announces, "You have a lot in there!" and then three seconds after that, "All done!" Wait? We started? I looked down and was quite literally astounded by what I saw. 

My toe looked COMPLETELY normal! This toe, which previously was swollen, aching, and a cross between purple and black is now COMPLETELY BACK TO NORMAL. 

Caitlin (who will heretofore be referred to as Caitlin the angel blister popping trainer) went back to lunch, disposed of the evidence, washed her hands, and started eating her Take 5 bar, like it was no big thing. I thought about hugging her, but I don't think we're there yet. Perhaps a nice thank you note and some candy will suffice. 

My toe is normal color and much less throbby. Good day. :) 

Running = good

I got so excited about yesterday being National Peanut Butter Day, I didn't even think to write about anything running or exercise related! But, now that my hand is out of the peanut butter jar (momentarily), I'm slightly more focused. 

I'm into the final two weeks of my mega-training before I start to taper. This is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I'm starting to see the light at the end of this 13.1 mile long tunnel. On the other hand, my body is confused as to why I'm continually beating the crap out of it. ON PURPOSE.

Take yesterday. Yesterday after school, I went to the gym and ran five miles. Then I taught Jazzercise. And then I woke up this morning and taught Jazzercise again. My body is suuuuuper grateful that it doesn't have to work out now for 24 more hours. 

The crazy thing is, I used to balk at the thought of running five miles. Why in God's name would I EVER have to run five miles? Even if my life depended on it, chances are, I wouldn't be running for five miles (because I either would have outrun the threat, or, you know, been caught long before then, whatever). 

Now, the thought of running five miles and then teaching Jazzercise for an hour doesn't make me think of permanent bodily damage. It's not a cake walk, but it certainly doesn't knock me down for the count. 

And the irony is, I think running is making me a better aerobics instructor, if you can believe it! Here's why: Running is my solitary activity. I do it alone. I like doing it alone. But I think I like doing it alone because Jazzercise is my social exercise time. I can see my friends and other mothers (shout out to the southsiders!) and spend time with them and laugh with them and have fun with them. I value my classes and the people in them more because of running. 

Additionally, I had more energy during class yesterday, if you can believe it. Something about running five miles really revved me up for class, so I guess it's true what they say about exercise induced endorphins. Last night's class had a great energy to it -- great students, great time, great work out. Can't beat that! 

Weirdly, I think running is also making me a happier person. I know I've discussed this before, but there's something about being in motion, moving, thinking about something in depth (or thinking about nothing at all), and being physical that just seems to be working. 

So, all in all, running = good. That's the moral of today's blog. 

Happy National Peanut Butter Day!

For those of you that didn't get the memo, today is the best day of the year. No, it's not a holiday (not a real one, anyway). It is not the start of summer. It is not the birthday of someone you love (well, it might be) or an anniversary (again, it might be). 

Today is National Peanut Butter Day. 

Anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I like peanut butter. A lot. A. LOT. 

Peanut butter is easily my favorite condiment. "Condiment?" you may be thinking. "Peanut butter is not a condiment." 

FALSE! Peanut butter is THE condiment! On bagels, cookies, toast, animal crackers, brownies, graham crackers, pita chips, ice cream sandwiches, pieces of chocolate, plain bread, Cheez-its, celery, apples, Thai noodles, bananas, muffins, Oreos, pretzels, oatmeal, smores, or your finger, peanut butter takes the cake. OH! And cake! So great in cake! 

My favorite type of peanut butter is Skippy Natural. It is DELICIOUS. It's more natural than other peanut butters but without the annoyance of stirring like many of the natural ones make you do. As I type this, I am on my last jar. Yes, I keep a back up jar of peanut butter. You do weird stuff too. Don't judge me. 

Two years ago, I gave up peanut butter for lent. Some people would think this was a minor sacrifice. NOT FOR ME! It was a long 40 days. I celebrated the end of it by eating an entire bag of peanut butter M&M eggs on Easter Sunday. By myself. On my grandfather's couch in Florida. It was glorious. 

So, with the hours slipping away, make sure you celebrate National Peanut Butter Day with something delicious. I have a box of Tagalong Girl Scout cookies and the jar of peanut butter staring me in the face. :) 

Haters.

I'm feeling good about my training. I'm feeling good about where I am and how I'm doing. I feel good about my body -- where it's at, and how much I'm about to put it through. 

Naturally, this has brought out some haters. 

Let's discuss haters. Haters are people who bring negativity to your positive party. They say mean things. Sometimes these comments are disguised with playful teasing, but they're mean nonetheless. 

I don't know why these people emerge, but they do. These people pop out with their negative comments and attitudes. Most of the time, they're unwarranted or uninvolved and yet they still throw in their two cents. These are not people adding constructive criticism or talking about themselves -- they are people who talk about you in order to drop you down a notch (or five). 

Case in point: I am working my @$$ off, quite literally. Today, someone gave me a compliment on how I looked. It was genuine and sweet and something that was very nice and made me really happy in that moment. But three seconds later, someone nearby retorted back with a negative comment about how things like these comments would go right to my head (because, yes, OBVIOUSLY I have an inflated self-image). Yes, I know I'm 28-years-old, but it still hurts my feelings when people say negative things, whether they're trying to be funny or not. It wasn't funny. It was mean. And it was unnecessary. 

I've tried to figure out why people say these mean things. Here is what I've come up with.

1. They are unhappy with their own lives.

2. They are jealous. 

3. They are mean-spirited people. 

4. They are so used to hearing negativity, they spout it out without realizing it. 

In this instance, I think it was number 4. And it makes me sad for this person. I know I'm not the queen of positivity, but I do try to encompass an optimistic attitude, especially when it comes to others. 

So, here are my positive words of the day. If you're training for something right now, tell yourself you can do it. You CAN do it. And you WILL do it. Keep your chin up and your nose to the grindstone. Regardless of what anyone else says, you can do this. There are enough negative voices out there working against you. Remember to be a positive one so you hear at least one a day. 

And if you're not training for something, you're pretty awesome too, damnit. Don't you forget it! 

Oh, and, what did I do when that hater said that to me? I just smiled. Because I know myself well enough to know that those comments won't go to my head. And I hope she had a fabulous day. :) 

A toenail issue

Today I was supposed to run five miles. I didn't. And I don't even feel guilty about it! I'm teaching five Jazzercise classes this week on top of my runs, so I'm pretty sure I'll get in plenty of cardio and strength and miles. 

Another reason I didn't run today is because I'm growing increasingly concerned about one of my toes. 

So, I'd read in a lot of different places about runners losing their toenails. Ick. After yesterday's run, I noticed the middle toe on my left foot was really tender around the toenail area. I took my sock off and noticed that the nail seemed raised, but it was hard to see much through my gray toenail polish. 

I came home, took off the toenail polish, and was horrified to see that the color underneath the polish was FAR scarier than gray. Think purple. Dark purple. 

There's a serious ick factor here for me. I don't want to lose my toenail. EVER. 

So, I decided today could be a rest day and time to visit with friends and family, shop, clean, launder, and catch up. And tomorrow can be a run and two Jazz classes. :)

A visit to Saint Mary's

What a week it has been. At school this week, I have laughed with my colleagues, missed my friend Erica (on maternity leave), graded 400 note cards, submitted midterm grades, caught up on my Journalism grading, posted the January issue of the school newspaper to our web site, teared up with a student, met 13 sets of parents at Parent/Teacher conferences, had a student choke on a turkey wrap in the library (he's okay, but had to be Heimliched), talked to a fellow coworker about her brand new Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis, and consumed my body weight in caffeinated beverages and sugar. 

And this week was only four work days long. 

I woke up this morning to a new baby cousin (Jack is here two weeks early!) and really felt the need for a good run. But winter has finally arrived in northern Indiana, which means far too much snow and not nearly enough degrees to run outside. Therefore, my seven mile Saturday was going to be spent on a treadmill. I thought and thought about driving to La Porte, but didn't want to have to make the trek if I didn't have to. Then it dawned on me! Alums can use the gym at Saint Mary's! So off I went, back to my alma mater. 

I signed in at the desk (the girl thought I was a current student and asked if I had my ID! Thanks, sweet, innocent, college student for thinking I am still of college age!) and headed over to the treadmill. There was a sign that said a STRICT thirty minute usage policy was enforced for all machines. Luckily, it was 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning on a college campus, and me, the desk workers, and two other girls in the whole place didn't seem to mind that I kept it for longer than necessary. 

Running at SMC was fun. It reminded me of so many great college memories. I can safely say hardly any of them happened in the gym (except for that time Teresa and I took the Butts and Guts class in preparation for spring break in Daytona Beach. We cried out in pain a lot in the class.). But it was fun to see girls walk in together in their sweat pants, laughing about last night. It was fun to listen to the girl on the treadmill next to me talk on her phone THE ENTIRE TIME SHE WAS ON THE TREADMILL about some picture she put up on Facebook today. It was fun to remember all those mornings and afternoons and evenings and nights I spent with the women I still call my best friends today... watching TV, complaining about homework, going to the dining hall, overanalyzing things boys had said to us on AIM, and dreaming about what our futures would hold. 

Shout out to my wolf pack: you guys got me through my run today! 

The treadmill turned off at 60 minutes (6 miles in) so I ran my last mile on the track there (nothing like running in a circle 12 times!). For some reason, I was filled with hope as I was running. Maybe it's because the last time I was there, I had my whole adult future in front of me and was so excited about where life would take me. Maybe it's because a really great song from my childhood popped up on my iPod (Leeann Rimes, "One Way Ticket" (note: I don't like country music. But I like that song)). Maybe it's because the sun was shining in and my run was almost done and life is just really pretty good right now. 

Whatever the reason may be, it was wonderful, in that moment, to be uplifted, positive, energetic, and renewed. 

Yep, a run can do all that! 

Woe, woe, woe

Today's entry is about woes. I should point out that this is not really a complaint... it's just that woes were the only common thread I could come up with for today. 

Woe #1: Student woes

Lately, my poor students have been going through so much. Case in point: This morning. At the start of first hour, we say the Pledge of Allegiance and then observe a moment of silence. Last trimester, I didn't have a first hour class. This trimester, I do, and you would think 30 seconds of silence was FOR.EV.ER. for these kids. They shift uncomfortably or try to whisper or sometimes just all out talk until I remind them that this is supposed to be for silent time. This morning, one of my sweetest and smartest girls was turned around during silent time whispering to her friend. I shushed her. And then about four minutes later, I noticed her red-rimmed eyes and sad face where I usually see unbridled happiness and optimism. When we were going to the library halfway through class, I asked her and another student (who was also crying, but because of a boy issue) to hang back. I spoke to the first student and she left, and then turned my attention to my chatty Kathy. She openly and honestly told me about something very personal going on in her life, and it made my heart break for her. I should have let her talk during silent time. Naturally, because I am a total and complete sap, I teared up too, so here we are, both in my room facing one another, both on the verge of tears, while my other 24 angel babies accompany themselves alone to the library. But, sometimes there are more important things than shushing kids in the hallway. 

It breaks my heart to see my students hurting. I think it goes without saying that most teachers think of their students as their own children. When one of them hurts, I hurt too. 

Woe #2: Weather woes

I know this goes without saying, but it's winter, and winter sucks. Remarkably, I've been able to do almost all of my half marathon training to this point outside. The weather has turned on me, which is an annoyance. But a bigger annoyance is the way my joints are reacting to this change. 

See, that's the thing about arthritis. You're going along all happy and healthy and feeling good and then BAM! You wake up and various body parts hurt. Knees, hips, ankles, whatever. Today, I was straightening my hair and it literally hurt to grip the straightener in my hand. ANNOYING. I try really very hard to not complain about my arthritis, because I have it so, so good. And if I can be positive with joint pain, I'm pretty sure that's a good sign.

Woe #3

.... 

I guess there are only two woes to discuss today. Maybe there are less woes than I thought! 

What's that you say? Let's sign up for another 13.1? Okay!

Well, what do you know. In a moment of insanity, or, perhaps more accurately, stupidity, I have signed up for the Indy Half Marathon on May 5. That will be just 10 short weeks after my first half marathon, so, hopefully I survive the Princess Half and am up for the challenge again. 

So why am I doing this, you may ask? Why am I committing to running another half marathon when I haven't even done the first one yet? 

In short, because all my friends are doing it. 

I KNOW. I KNOW. If these same friends jumped off a bridge, certainly I wouldn't follow them! I'm a teacher! I'm supposed to teach my students about not succumbing to peer pressure!  I'm supposed to teach them about making solid choices based on their sound decision making capabilities! 

But seriously, A LOT of my friends are doing it! I don't necessarily try to run with other people (mostly because my pace is anything but consistent), but it's nice to know that I can be running with Teresa and Erica from Chicago, the Kanney and Beres families from La Porte, and Mr. O'Connell on my path to the finish line. There's something about that camaraderie that I wanted to experience. 

So, yes, I might be nuts. But I still think it'll be worth it. 

30 miles? Not so much.

I read an article online today that said in order to run your best half, you need to be running 30 miles a week. THIRTY. MILES. WEEKLY. Pshaw! Not bloody likely. 

Even at the peak of my training, I think the most mileage I run in a week is 22 or 23 miles, and that's IF I do my fourth day of running a week (which, I haven't been too much due to lack of time and Jazzercising). I don't know where I would find the time to get in 30 miles a week as I'm barely getting in my 15ish now. 

This is one of those funny things about running, and/or, maybe life: what works for one person does NOT work for another. 

My friend Johnna likes to eat those Sport Beans when she runs. Do you want to know what happened when I ate a few before Tour de La Porte? I had heartburn the entire run. 

My friend Meredith won't eat flavored Gu anymore because the flavors make her sick. Me? I need my Jet Blackberry flavor. 

My friend Teresa prefers to run with a partner, usually, her fiancee Dave. I prefer doing my runs solo, although, I do admit I'm more motivated when someone else is there with me. 

My friend Janet is eating clean in preparation for her half in May, and for her life, in general. Me? Oh junk food. I do love thee so incredibly much. 

There are more runner friends of mine and more preferences, but the point is this: You know your body, so listen to it. You know yourself, and you will find what works best for you. Go with it and trust it...

...unless of course your body says, "Never run again." In that case, tell your body to shove it, and go do a few miles anyway. 

On my way!

Not much to say about running today. I did my four miles this morning in the slush, which was messy. But, it was a beautiful day and got me back on track so it made it worth it. I also got the laundry done, the house cleaned, and things put away, and for that, it felt like a completely successful day. 

But, in giant excitement, the hotel is booked and the plane tickets are purchased so this is ACTUALLY HAPPENING! It's not like I wasn't expecting this to actually happen, but now that it is, I'm super-duper excited about it! I'm also excited to go to Florida in February. There's something about seeing palm trees in the winter that makes everything better. 


In other news, lately I've been craving cookies. And by craving cookies, I mean, ALL I WANT TO EAT IS COOKIES. I think this is an integral part of my training, if you ask me. 

"That's what friends are for." -J

Forty days until race day! Forty more days and forty more nights to mentally and physically prepare for this test. 

Today I had to run 7 miles. It was 8 degrees when I woke up. An outdoor run was NOT happening. So, I texted my dear friend Janet, the owner of Ladies Fitness Zone, to see if she would care if I went to the gym to run on the treadmill. She and our friend Roberta are both training for a half marathon in May, and are using the same plan I am, just on the different time frame, so they had to run today too. J read my blog yesterday and knew how crappy I felt about not being able to run. So she and Bert drove to the gym to run with me. 

Let's hear it for supportive friends! Twenty five minutes in to my run, smiling faces appeared. Even though we weren't talking, just knowing that on the next two treadmills were friends who were doing the exact same thing helped so incredibly much. 

Seven miles later, we were all done with our allotted runs for the day. And just like that, all felt right again in the world. 

The older I get, the more I'm learning that it is vitally important to be surrounded by good people. I am lucky enough to be surrounded with the best of the best. Because every once in a while, you need someone to remind you that you're on the right path and that those dreams are getting closer and closer to becoming realities. 

Ugh. Just ugh.

This morning started off cold -- 16 degrees. So, I did what any dedicated runner would do... I bundled up and started to run. Approximately 3 minutes in to the run, it became clear that the roads were in NO condition to run on, especially when running next to a major highway. I returned home, defeated. No problem, I thought, I will go to the gym and get on the dreadmill for seven miles. Except I was volunteering at the hospital at noon and there wasn't enough time to go to the gym, run, drive home, shower, and go to the hospital. 

I didn't get my long run in today. And I feel supremely shitty about it. 

I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I can do my long run tomorrow, a shorter run Monday (no school!) and be back on track for my run on Tuesday. This is not a disaster of epic proportions. And yet I feel like the worst half marathon trainee ever because I will now have TWO rest days in a row. I swear, I can almost picture my muscles losing tone and my speed flying away from me. It's a horrible feeling. 

Did you read the post about me being a control freak? Yes? Well, I am also a creature of habit. I like routine. I dislike change. Monotony? Okay by me! And this is the first Saturday in... maybe my whole training that I'm not getting my long run done. I don't know if I'm going to feel better until said run is done, but that won't be until tomorrow. Sucks. SUCKS. And yes, I'm also well aware that if this is the WORST thing that happens to me this week, it will be a seriously fantastic week. But, I'm grumpy about this right now. Therefore, I write. 

So now I will go be productive and write my new freelance assignment and do laundry and see friends tonight and hope that this shit feeling disperses. Side note: Anyone watching the Olympic Marathon trials? Those boy runners will run their full marathons in the time I hope to run my half. Eeeee. 

Dance, dance

This is what you do on a Friday night to show your students you love them.

Peace (be with me)

There are very few places in life where I feel completely at peace. 

One is the Grotto at Notre Dame. It literally doesn't matter what is happening in my life... if I go to the Grotto, I feel instantly better. There's something about being out in the open, in nature (sort of), talking to God that's just pretty perfect to me. 

Another, at least this year, is at school. All around this year, I have the best crop of students I've ever had. They are kind, funny, and respectful... ALL OF THEM! This is a phenomenon in education, because I don't think there is ever a year where everyone works together, gets along, and attempts to do the work. This is that year. I love going to work because it's surrounded with positivity and energy and happiness from my students AND my amazing coworkers. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been entire school YEARS that this isn't the case. But this is not that year. 

Thirdly, when I run. There's something completely foreign about feeling at peace when your body is (sometimes painfully) charging forward. There's so much chaos that happens in my body during a run -- my heart pounds, my legs scream, my lungs rise and fall, my brain goes in to overdrive about what I'm doing -- but there's something so peaceful in that chaos. I can't describe it. If you know, you know. 

Sometimes, and maybe just lately, I feel that peace escaping when I'm not at one of those three places. I feel overloaded with a lot of the things on my plate and a lot of the things in my head. There just seems to be so much to do and never enough hours to do it all in. My brain, even in the quiet moments, keeps churning. Lately, this has caused some sleepless nights and an overtired Ang, neither of which I'm a fan of. 

When I was little, and I used to pray, it was always for specific things. "Dear God, please let me pass that spelling test I didn't study for." "Dear God, please let so-and-so like me."  "Dear God, please don't let me fall down the stairs at Penn High School during passing period." "Dear God, please don't let that entire cake I ate go straight to my stomach and hips." 

Lately, my prayers have been a little more trusting, I suppose... "Dear God, please take care of my loved ones and keep them safe, happy, and healthy. And please give me strength and peace in my heart and in my life. And please help to remind me that I'm on the exact path you want me to be on."

You see, I am a control freak. And not just a control freak, but a CONTROL FREAK. I want things to be the way I want them to be, and when they don't go that way, I try to make it so they do (see, see what I mean by FREAK). So, me trusting that things are going to happen the way they're supposed to is incredibly, incredibly difficult. 

But the irony is, I've found that when I trust that things are unfolding the way they're supposed to, I'm FAR more at peace than when I'm trying to make them happen. Hmph. It's funny how that works, isn't it?  

So, this half marathon training? Not by chance. I'm doing it now because I'm supposed to be doing it now. And there is something very peaceful in that. 

Just say no

I have a serious problem: I don't know how to say no. 

Want to be on a committee at school? Sure! Want to meet up tonight for dinner? Absolutely! Want to go to a meeting/volunteer/do something you have ABSOLUTELY NO TIME to do? Definitely, yes! 

I am a believer in the word yes. 

Maybe this is because I don't like to miss out on anything. Maybe it's my perfectionistic tendencies to want to do more, be better, try harder. Maybe it's because I am very, very bad with idle time. Regardless, I say yes. All. Too. Often. 

Tonight, I feel guilty. Why, you might ask, do I feel guilty? Because instead of staying at school tonight to go to Poms practice (from 6:30-8:30 p.m.), I came home so that I could finish my freelance article (which, I did, about 12 minutes ago) and catch up on the massive stacks of grading and laundry next to me. That's right, people, I feel GUILTY about coming home so I could get more work done. Okay, maybe really I feel guilty because I can do that other work while sitting on the couch. Either way, guilt is guilt. 

Why is it that we as humans push ourselves so hard that we feel guilty when we decide we want one night at home during the week? Or is this just me? 

Literally, tonight will be the only night I am home before 8 p.m. And yet, there is 30% of me thinking maybe I should get in the car and go back to school for practice (I'm not, you see, because I'm lazy.). 

Some people make the New Year's resolution to say yes -- say yes to new ideas, new places, new opportunities. I think my new mantra is going to be to say no. I won't say no to the things I love, the things I want to do, the things that make me, me, but I WILL say no to those superfluous things that I don't need to be committing too. 

And now, I'm going to watch frivolous television while I grade papers and make a fast, easy dinner. Ahhhh. Better already. 


P.S. Happy Birthday, E! 

A midweek check in

Today I had to run seven miles. On a Tuesday. During the work week. This was less than ideal. 

See, my typical day starts around 6:15 (or 5:15 for those of you on Central Time!). The alarm sounds, I ignore it trying to squeeze every last second out of my slumber. Eventually, I drag myself out of bed, turn on the news, start the coffee, get ready for work, and jet out the door by 7:15. 

Once at work, I'm on. See, I love my job. I LOVE my job. But there is no "off day" in teaching. You didn't sleep? Too bad. The kids still need you to teach them things. You thought you were coming in early to get some stuff done? Nope. You're fixing computer issues so the newspaper can go to press. You're thinking about something in your personal life? Uh-unh. It's time to discuss research papers. 

So, around 8:15, my kiddles start to trickle in. They tell me stories about their evenings, ask for help on homework, look for advice about taking the SAT's, question me about whether their outfit is cute or not, and eventually at 8:36, the first bell rings and the REAL fun begins. 

Today in my honors classes, I taught kids about note cards and citations. There are very few ways to make note cards and citations fun. But I perform. I acted like this was the most important information my kids will ever need. When they looked tired halfway through taking notes, I made them stand up, form two lines, and then high five each other around the room before heading back to their seats. Think it sounds lame? They were all more interactive after they did that. They even laughed. AND WE WERE LEARNING ABOUT RESEARCH! 

Anyway, teaching all day is like performing all day. And today's performance ended with a seven-mile run at an outdoor track in La Porte. I know, I know, I should feel lucky that it's January 10 and the sun is shining and I'm running outside in 50 degree weather. And I do. But it was still a run. A run that I had to do after a long, long day of teaching and performing. 

To those of you doing long runs during the week, I commend you. It is TOUGH to rally the energy to put in a bunch of miles when you're so tired you don't know if you can muster the energy. 

Miraculously, and honestly I'm wondering about this, I ran my fastest seven miles ever. Really and truly, secretly I wonder if the path at Kesling is actually a mile. But if it is, I must have been running through some serious demons today. I NEEDED that boost though, especially after some weirdness as of late. 

Oh wait... the day didn't stop there though. Tonight's awesomeness also included two hours of Poms dance practice. Seriously, new found respect for dancers. The routine is about a minute and a half long. And kind of tough! 

So, it's 9:08 p.m., and now I get to work on my freelance article. :)

Tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow I have to work all day. And then I have to go to Kesling Park and run 7 miles. And then I have to shower at Ladies Fitness Zone, slam down dinner at Jimmy John's with Erin Parker, and go to two hours of "Poms Dance Practice" for the teachers versus students routine on Friday. Oh my, Tuesday, oh my. 

A candid conversation

Today's run was more out of mental necessity than physical fitness. I'll explain. Do you ever have those days... you wake up, and something feels... different, somehow? Nothing has changed, nothing has really even happened, but you feel different? I know this is a vague and obtuse explanation, but it's the best I can do, really. 

I woke up this morning, and mentally, I was scattered. My focus? Shot. My capabilities to put together intelligent thoughts? Gone. 

What is with today? 

So, after blundering around the house for a few hours, I figured a run would help to clear my noggin of all that was in it. 

Sort of. 

Lately, I've been using part of my run time to talk to God. Not like, "Oh, God, when will this be over?" but more of a, "Hey, I'm out here in this wonderful world that you created, and I feel like it's a good time to have a chat with you." 

In high school, and even in college, I was pretty spiritual. I won't say religious, because, as much as I love Catholicism and the Catholic church, there are some things I don't necessarily take stock in. But I always felt a strong connection to God. And then around 25 or 26, I just sort of lost it. I can't explain it. Maybe it was frustration. Maybe I just felt like God wasn't listening anymore (He is a man, after all). I don't know where it went, but it went. 

But after a few years and a lot of soul-searching, God and I reconnected around April of this past year. Maybe turning 28 gave me a kick in the pants, I don't really know, but I started talking to Him again, and we've been on pretty solidly good terms ever since. 

So on this Sunday morning, it seemed like a good time to have a chat with the big guy upstairs. 

Another wonderful thing about running is it gives you time to connect, to focus, and to think about what's really important in life. It gives you a chance to reflect and imagine and make important decisions. 

My decision? Life is too short not to try. So I will try my best when I run. And I will try other really potentially scary things to. Because at least I can say I tried. 

So even though there was no verbal response, gaining that clarity might be just what I needed. Great convo today.

Today's question

I had to run nine miles this morning. It was not easy. It was not fun. And somewhere around mile 6.5, I had to start asking myself, "Why am I doing this?" 

Let's talk about what went wrong: 

1. My legs, although running at a fast and furious pace, did not seem to be propelling me forward.

2. I had a hard time talking myself through it with encouraging words, so instead I started, OUT LOUD, saying things that I was seeing. "Snow." "Cars." "Rocks." I am not kidding. 

3. Around mile 5, my left knee started throbbing. I was unsure if this was due to the run or the small (read: GIANT) tumble I took on New Year's Eve. Regardless, it went numb a few miles later, so, I suppose that's something that went right. 

4. The all black running outfit was attracting a little more sun than I would have liked... making my normal amount of sweat intensified, even in winter. 

5. My iPod wasn't shuffling anything inspiring. Nine mile run = 91 songs. (For the record, I didn't LISTEN to all 91 songs. I'm slow, I'm not THAT slow.)

Let's talk about what went right: 

1. I got the run done. Nine miles is nine miles, even if it's not pretty. 

I think it's time to remind myself why I'm paying money to run for 13.1 miles. 

1. I am doing this to take on a challenge. 

2. I am doing this to prove to myself that I can do this.

3. I am doing this so I can eat an entire Hacienda mudslide by myself in one sitting and not gain weight. 

4. I am doing this because the feeling of accomplishment after a long run is like nothing I've ever experienced. 

5. I am doing this because there are so many people -- young, old, and in between -- that never get the chance to run a half because of physical limitations. I am running this for every person who CAN'T. 

Well, crap. Number 5 is why I keep going... even when my legs feel like jello. Must. Remember. This.

UHLH Phenomenon

So, lately I've been noticing something when I run. I'm calling it the upper half/lower half phenomenon. There are days that I literally feel like the upper and lower halves of my body are two totally separate entities. One day, my lungs will be screaming at me while my legs feel like I could go for miles. More often, though, my legs feel HEAVY and pained while my upper body is just chillin'. 

I don't know how to describe this phenomenon except to say that it literally feels like I'm working with two halves from different bodies. I feel like my upper and lower halves are disconnected. There are moments, and maybe it's because I'm so focused (but not likely), that I feel like my upper half is staying still and my bottom half is hoofing it along. 

Do you know this feeling? It's entirely odd. It's feeling two conflicting things at the exact same time. One part of me is calm, silent, and focused. The other part of me is crazed, all over the place, and feeling unnatural. 

Whoa. Is this a metaphor for my life?

Finding the time

I have always worked hard at time management. Procrastination has never really been my thing. I don't live for that operating-under-pressure feeling that many other thrive under. I am the queen of the to-do list -- I have my list with me at all times and will squeeze things in whenever I can. I LIKE being good at time management. I get a thrill when I can cross something off my list. (Yes, I accept the fact that I am a total dork. Moving on.)

Three years ago, I was teaching full time and working on my master's thesis (a glorious, 70-some page document) while teaching Jazzercise classes five days a week. I remember thinking to myself, "Gee, self, you'll have so much more time once you're done with this." Well, the thesis came and went and I've even cut back on the number of Jazzercise classes I teach a week and I STILL manage to fill every minute. 

That being said, I really wish I had more time -- more time to read, rest, make creative lessons for my students, and spend with my friends and family. 

I read a study online today that said the average American is on Facebook for 23.5 hours a month. That's a LOT of hours! What could I do with a whole extra day of hours each month? I'm guessing a lot. Now, let's just be honest. I'm not getting rid of Facebook. It's a mental break for me, and I thoroughly enjoy that. But, it still got me thinking about how we as humans spend our time.

Many people have asked me, "how are you finding the time for this?" 

Truth be told, I don't know. I just... am. I'm scheduling it in, just like I do with my Jazzercise classes or meetings or appointments. If it's on the to-do list, I do it. That's just how I operate. If there's a day when I can't get it done, I try to get it done the next day, and if I can't get it done then, I skip it and try my best to let it go.

I'm not trying to downplay it, like, "oh, everyone has time!" I don't think everyone has time to train. There are many nights I don't get home until 12 hours after I left my house, and there are many weekend mornings that I plan around my running schedule. I don't have anyone else counting on me, like, children, for instance, who need food and homework help and attention (for those of you who train while being parents, you deserve one medal for doing the race and another medal for doing the race while being a parent -- Seriously. You're my heroes, and will have to teach me how to do this someday.). In that respect, I get to be selfish with my time right now, and that's extremely helpful to my training schedule, because I can't say I'd be as dedicated if I were in a different place. 

So, yeah, I could use a whole lot more hours in the day. But even if I had them, I probably wouldn't devote any more time to working out. There are just too many other wonderful things out there that I'd want to partake in. 

Sweet dreams? Stress dreams.

Last night (or maybe this morning), I had my odd, reoccurring dream. This is odd for two reasons: 1. I hardly ever remember my dreams (maybe once or twice a month), so this was a triumph in and of itself, and 2. The dream is weird. 

The dream goes like this. I'm back in college (at Saint Mary's, the most wonderful college to ever exist), and I'm in some sort of class. But, at some point in the dream, I panic because I realize there's a class I signed up for that I haven't been going to all semester and now I'm totally screwed and am going to fail the class. Naturally, on my way to resolve this, I stopped at the Haggar Snack Bar (which no longer exists) for a bag of popcorn and a pop. And then I always wake up with the dream unresolved. I never quite make it to the academic building to sort everything out. 

This is the third time I've had this dream. 

Now, I have to ask myself, "Self, what is it that is causing you this dream?" I graduated college in 2005 and got my master's in 2009 and clearly being back in college isn't on my radar right now. So then I have to wonder if it's something having to do with work (being that, you know, I'm an educator and all). Is this some kind of metaphor for feeling ill prepared for the week, the month, the trimester? I suppose that could be it. Rarely do I ever feel COMPLETELY ready for anything at school, because I never know what the curriculum, the weather, or life may throw my way. 

Additionally, since Christmas Eve, at various points, one or both of my eyes have started twitching. It's awesome. There's no real reason it begins. And I'm sure no one can see it, but it's SUPER annoying. 

I blame all of this on stress. Holiday stress. School stress. Life stress. Stress stress. 

But a little bit of stress if healthy, right? I certainly hope so. 

Let's talk about gear

The snow hasn't stopped since it started last night. This does not bode well for our first day of school in 2012 (scheduled for tomorrow). Nevertheless, miracles happen, so we'll see. I know my students are just DYING to come back and take their Huck Finn final assessments. 

I awoke this morning in a great mood, ready to tackle the last day of break. Thankfully, my NYE hangover was also a semi-distant memory, which helped (reminder to Angela: lay off the booze leading up to the race). Because of the crummy weather, I was relegated to the elliptical this morning. Definitely NOT the same as running, but better than nothing. I have no real running related posts right now, so I went with THIS instead. :)

For the new year, I bring you a pictorial of all of my favorite running things, so far. 

Shoes: My Mizunos... I adore these. I also adore this picture that Lars took for me. 

Clothes: If money were no object, all Under Armour. Otherwise, Target's Champion brand does nicely! 

Training Manual: The Non Runners Marathon Guide for Women. The writer is sarcastic, witty, and a real runner -- not a pro who is used to it coming naturally. Plus, she has a 20-week training program which I really prefer than some of the shorter schedules. 

Gum: Stride, Spearmint. This is a must. I have started bringing extras on my runs. 

Snack on the Run: Jet Blackberry GU. Find the flavor that works for you. This one doesn't make me want to throw up after I've already run six or so miles. In my opinion, that's a win. 

Snack after the Run: Banana, Almond Milk, Vanilla Protein Powder, Cocoa Powder, and Ice, blended -- Yummo! 

Obviously, I am being paid to endorse all of these products. JOKE! But I do like to try new things, so if you have other suggestions, I'm all for them! 

It's coming...

I knew it was bound to happen. We've been so lucky to make it through the winter with such little snow thus far. But the wind and snow that is currently beating against my front door is a solid reminder that I am NOT excited about the white stuff looming in the not so distant future. 

Let me clarify: I am not a winter person. I'm always cold, so this season does little to help with that. I don't like ice. I don't like snow. I don't like walking or driving in the ice and snow. I don't like bundling up to walk to the mailbox. 

I despise shoveling. 

There is exactly one winter outdoor activity I DO enjoy, and that would be cross country skiing. But that alone is not enough to make me like this season. 

I was supposed to run five miles today, but after the eight miles yesterday and suuuuuper high heels last night, I think my legs needed the day off. Unfortunately, the forecast is calling for 5 to 10 inches of snow over the next day or so. So, unless I can beat the nastiness tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to figure out what to do for the next several weeks of running. It will certainly make training interesting! 

Although I'm not really one to make New Year's Resolutions, I have decided that I want to try new things. 2012 is already shaping up to be a fantastic year, and anything I can do to add to that is a good thing in my book. So, on the agenda, the half marathon, some fun travel opportunities, weddings, new babies, and a whole lot more. Bring it. :)