Summer guilt

One of my biggest battles in life is one that wages for me daily: productivity vs. relaxation. It never fails... I WANT to relax, but then when I sit down to take it easy, I feel guilty for not doing productive things. I'll start to watch something on t.v., and then I'll think, "Well, I'll at least throw a load of laundry in." I mean, that way I'm doing something, right? 


I'm not one who is able to just sit idly. Maybe this is why I suck at beaches and pools... I'm just doing nothing. I should be doing something... anything. 


Now that I'm tackling the summer bucket list, I'm finding that more and more, I'm trying to knock off the productive stuff first. If I can clean the spare room, I have something to show for it. But it's a double edged sword, you see, because I feel guilty if there's a day that I don't knock something off the list. Now THAT is stupid. I recognize this... I really do... but letting go of I-just-want-to-sit-around guilt is tough. 


I think part of that comes from teacher guilt (boy, this post is riddled with guilt). I've been asked no less than ten times, "So, are you getting a job this summer?" Ummm, no, for so many reasons. 


1. I work my @$$ off the other ten months of the year. 
2. It's hard to get a job you only work at for two months. 
3. I already have two other jobs (Jazzercise and freelance writing).
4. Frankly, I don't want to. 


But it's THERE. The teacher guilt. The whole, "Oh, you're so lucky you get two months off." I AM lucky I get two months off. But I hate having to justify why I want some time off. Hence, guilt. 


I'm trying to let go of the guilt, and I'm hoping a few days out of town where I can't do anything "productive" will help. I'm looking forward to enjoying the company, Michigan, and some much needed relaxation.:)