Like anything in life, running certainly has side effects. I'm not just talking about all the negative ones, although a few of those are on the list. There are so many more things that have come from training for this half. Here they are in no particular order.

-Thinking about life: Running gives me anywhere from two to six hours a week where I do nothing but listen to music and think. Unlike Jazzercise, where I'm expected to remember the movements and instruct people ahead of time, running gives me time to work out and focus on my life and myself. Sometimes I think about what's going right. Sometimes I think about what's going wrong. But running gives me uninterrupted time with myself.  

-Not thinking about life: On the flip side, some days I run and I think about nothing. At. All. I never before knew it was possible to zone out for 45 minutes straight. It is. I assure you. 

-Television: I've noticed since I started training that I'm watching a LOT less TV. Now, to be fair, I've never really been one to sit down and zone out in front of the TV, but I did always used to have it on in the background during the evenings I was home. Now that some of my evenings are filled with runs, I'm getting to watch way less Extreme Couponing and Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. This might also be due to the fact that I don't seem to be home as much lately or my extreme addiction to Pinterest. But I'll give the credit to running. 

-The great outdoors: I'm not what you would call "outdoorsy." I truly believe this is because I am such a klutz and manage to hurt myself when attempting any sort of outdoor activities (examples: a black eye at a t-ball game (I was a spectator, mind you), a bruised tailbone from softball, losing a layer of knee skin while white water rafting, a bruised tailbone from cross country skiing, various cuts, scrapes, lesions, and bruises from mud runs... you see the pattern here). I LIKE the outdoors. I'm just bad at it. Running gets me outside, breathing (or gulping) in fresh air. Most of the time, I don't even hurt myself.

-Body aches: Sometimes my feet hurt, especially when I have to wear work shoes. And sometimes my calves are tight when I'm going up and down the stairs. And sometimes my quads burn just from standing up and sitting down. It's not necessarily pain... they're just aches. And sometimes I have a whole lot of them.  

-Abs: Have I mentioned the abs? Ohmygosh, the abs! This morning I was teaching Jazzercise, and I put my hands on my stomach to emphasize a lean for the obliques. And I thought, holy $%&#! My stomach feels like a rock! A little bit I wanted to ask someone to punch me in the stomach just to see if my abs are as strong as they feel right now, but I figured I should refrain. 

Santa baby

Although it's gotten colder, the South Bend/La Porte area is still blissfully snow free. I realize this is bound to last, approximately, seven more minutes, but it has been nice to make it to December without snow sticking to the ground. 

I ran two miles tonight on the dreadmill before Jazzercise. My hatred continues to grow. 

I AM excited for Saturday, though. Saturday will be my first race since September, and it just so happens to be with many of my best friends. The Santa Hustle 5K (http://santahustle.com/) boasts 5,000 runners. Who are dressed like Santas. Including hats. And beards. To be honest, I highly doubt any of us will run with the beards on, but it will be fun to see what we all look with white facial hair. 

One of the things I love about running races with friends is knowing that they're somewhere in the crowd. In a race of that size, it's almost impossible to stay together, but just knowing that somewhere along the course are friendly faces is comforting. Running, for me personally, is a solitary sport, so it's nice when I get to spend it with others. I'd really like to get a good time to prove to myself that I'm making strides, but the other part of me is just out for fun. It's hard to take myself too seriously when wearing an artificial Santa beard.

I'm attempting to put together my race playlist. I was thinking about Christmas songs, but I'm not sure they will have the oomph to really power me through. I may just shuffle and hope for the best. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year

It's the most wonderful season of the year. No, not Christmas. 

It is FOOD season. 

My mom always says that there are people who eat to live. I come from a family that lives to eat. This can best be expressed by a story my cousin Amanda told me on Thanksgiving. That morning, she and her boyfriend were having breakfast. Jacob was imbibing on the usual breakfast fares. Amanda had half a muffin. Jacob said, "Is that all you're eating?" And Amanda gave him the look and said, "Do you know my family?" My cousin Dana told a similar story of how she had eaten only half a granola bar that day. She'd intended to eat the whole bar, but shared it in the car. No matter, there was plenty of food to go around (although, we did knock out a 24 pound turkey and the entire dish of stuffing before anyone had gone back for seconds). We looooooove our food. 

I have to be honest... I've been putting in my miles. I've been drinking gallons upon gallons of water. Where my training could use some improvement is in the food department. It's not that I'm eating too much. My weight is staying consistent, which is swell, because I don't even worry about what I eat. But, therein lies the problem. 

I know what I'm supposed to eat. Runner's always talk about how they eat tons of healthy carbs and a low fat diet with tons of fruits and vegetables. Oiy. This is where I'm missing the mark. 

You see... I like cheese. And peanut butter. And I really, really love ice cream. So, this whole, "low fat" thing isn't really working. 

Additionally, I don't like a ton of protein. Okay, correction, I don't like COOKING a ton of protein. 

A conundrum, I tell you. 

I keep thinking that if I REALLY want to commit to this process, I should give in and make the diet follow the plan too. But now is the WORST time for that because it's food season. 

There will be holiday parties (at least three, that I know of). There will be holiday spritzers (mmmm, spritzers). There will be holiday cookies, lovingly made by my mother, the most glorious baker/chef known to man. There is a wedding to go to. There's Teresa's birthday in Chicago this weekend and a night with my dear friend Nancy next weekend. There will be numerous opportunities to eat. And imbibe. And eat some more. 

What's a girl to do? It's the most wonderful time of the year, afterall. 

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

It's a rest day for me (glorious, glorious rest day!). The weather was fairly crummy today, so I spent my Sunday cleaning the house, doing tons of laundry (how does one person make so much laundry, and how do those of you with more than one person in your household keep up!?), setting up the Christmas tree, and meeting baby Dom (Mandy and Alex's beautiful baby boy). It was a pretty fantastic Sunday if you ask me. 

The next few weeks will be packed -- lots going on at work, lots of holiday gatherings, lots of celebrations. I'm slightly concerned about the running schedule, especially since it looks like the weather is about to turn (specifically, Tuesday night) and the thought of running not just IN snow but ON snow and ice freaks me out. I'm also worried that I will get sidetracked by Christmas cookies, or that sitting on the family room floor wrapping Christmas presents will become more appealing than a brisk five mile jaunt in winter gloom. I suppose the best way to approach it is just to take it one day at a time, yes? 

Today's favorite Pinterest pin: "I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything else seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day. And I believe in miracles." -Audrey Hepburn

"You're supposed to wear a helmet!"

Still on my 110 minute high from yesterday, I was sittin' pretty this morning. When that wore off, I convinced myself that I had Ebola and a broken leg, and therefore couldn't go for a run today. But, then the weatherman said today would be the LAST NICE DAY EVER and runner's guilt got the best of me, so off I went. 

Today's running mistakes, in no particular order:

1. Eating Jimmy John's 90 minutes prior to running.

2. Overdressing -- apparently 60 degrees for Angela equals capri pants and a long sleeve shirt

3. Racing the rain... as it was scheduled to start at 4 p.m., I decided to run for 45 minutes at 3:30

4. Did I mention the Jimmy John's? Holy gut pain, Batman. 

Today's running highlights:

1. During my last mile, I heard a child screaming at me over my iPod, "You're supposed to wear a helmet!" 

2. I got a little concerned that this child either knows me personally (as a giant klutz, of course) or is a psychic when he yelled loud enough AGAIN for me to hear him, "I said you're supposed to wear a helmet!" 

Whether it was fear that the child's premonition was going to come true, the fear of the weather, or something else entirely, I ran my fastest four miles today. 

110 minutes

Get the title? It's like a play on "127 Hours" except this was way less time and I didn't lose a limb by the end of it. 

First and foremost, I survived running for 110 minutes, and although my body may be pained tomorrow, my sense of humor is still in tact today. This is a win, in my book. 

My long run needed to happen today or tomorrow. Looking at the weather forecast, today looked far superior, so I thought I should be smart and go do it. Plus, I needed a focus today... something that would get me active and moving and give my brain some down time. 

I decided today's long run would have to take place somewhere other than my part of town. I am tired of looking at the field, the golf courses, and the road kill on the highway. So, Notre Dame seemed like a good choice. One, it's Thanksgiving break, so campus was mostly deserted. Two, I figured if I did indeed die, I was THAT much closer to God. Three, I was already out, and it seemed like a good idea to put on my running clothes and not allow myself to come home until I actually did the run. 

I parked at Saint Mary's and started through campus. I ran past Holy Cross (shout out to my room 19 roommates) and then ran down The Avenue toward ND. It was a BEAUTIFUL day for a run -- 55 degrees, wind, and sun. Perfection, especially for late November. 

I got onto ND's campus and decided to run the perimeter of the campus first. I did a lot of thinking today. Idle thoughts in no particular order:

-Yesterday, my Uncle Phil, an avid cyclist pointed out that bikers are smiling and happy at the end of their rides but runners always look like they want to keel over. Generally speaking, I find this to be true, so I tried to look cheerful as I scurried around campus. 

-Gee, the last time I was in the Library Lot, I was taking pudding shots out of Diane Healy's ziploc bag. Ahhhh, sweet memories. 
-There's the Backer! I really need to start doing more on this campus than just tailgaiting...

-I wonder if Aleve can be considered a food group. I totally think it's a food group. 

-Boy, I can't wait to get to the Grotto to get some water. I'm thirsty.
-I wonder if I went to Let's Spoon if I could get some yogurt AND water and then keep running without a stomach ache. 

-(Five minutes in) Crap, I totally should have gone to the bathroom before I started running. Good thing I don't have water. 

About halfway through my run, I went to the Grotto. For one, I wanted to drink some water there, but the wouldn't you know, the drinking fountains have been turned off for winter. No water for Angela. For two, I decided it would be a good idea to pray not to die during the second half of my run. For three, I had intentions to talk to God about, people. 

After I finished up at the Grotto, I started back the opposite direction for round two of the run. At this point, a nice British man and his gaggle of children asked me where the Grotto was. I took this as a good sign, meaning, I must not look like I'm going to vomit since someone willingly spoke to me. On my way back, it had cooled down a bit, and the sun was starting to set (after all, it was, like, 4:30 p.m.) so I was glad I had on my long sleeve running shirt purchased this morning at Kohl's. 

Surprisingly, the rest of the run went very smoothly. And as I neared my car again (my little Civic never looked so pretty!), I thought, I could keep going if I had to. Maybe that's just the fact that I don't have to do a run this long the ENTIRE MONTH OF DECEMBER talking, but it was a great feeling nonetheless. I survived. And I was even sort of smiling at the end of it. 

I'm not one to toot my own horn, but today feels fantastic. So just for tonight, I'm going to allow myself to feel like a rockstar... and eat an entire pizza. 

Thanksgiving Day

Today is the best holiday of the year, Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving for so very many reasons. Here are three:

 

1. I have the best family in existence. Seriously. No other family can possibly compare. There are always around 25 of us (plus two babies-to-be this year!) talking, laughing, and filling the kitchen for snacks way before it's time to eat. Plus, we clap at the end of our prayer every year. How many families do THAT? 

2. One word: Football.  

3. The day is crafted around food. Food! Glorious, glorious food! And the Saoud family, we can eat, my friends. 

Yet another wonderful thing about running is the massive amount of carbohydrates I get to eat. Today's plate was loaded with stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, rolls, turkey... and there's no guilt there. I get to eat a crap ton of carbs. All the time. 

Now, according to Runner's World, there's a proper way to carb load. I've sort of read about it. Mostly, I just eat carbs and hope for the best. I'm pretty sure I could eat an entire pizza right now, and not gain weight. THAT is a beautiful thing. 

I have to run for 110 minutes either tomorrow or Saturday. I can't decide when to do it, but am thrilled that the weather is still so beautiful. This may have been the most perfect fall ever to train for a half. 

I heart sleep

I was reading an article the other day in Runner's World and a woman mentioned something about sleep. She said during marathon training, she tries to sleep nine to ten hours a night. I don't know about you, but this is the BEST reason I have found yet to train for a half marathon. 

I adore sleep. I think naps are wasted on the young. If I had it my way, children would never nap (arguably, I am not a parent, and wouldn't have to deal with very cranky children) so they would be tired at bed time. Adults would be allowed to nap from 2-3 p.m. Teenagers wouldn't be allowed to nap either, mostly because when they do (i.e. in my fourth period class, during the school day), they feel all energized and want to stay up late at night playing video games and what not. 

Additionally, I really love being in bed, specifically my bed. It's comfortable and cozy and there are sheets and blankets to cuddle with. My bed creaks... it's horribly obnoxious. This is probably due to the fact that Krissi and I used to jump on said bed during bad days (you try to be sad or pissed off while jumping on the bed -- I dare you!). Bed is where it's at, as far as I'm concerned. If I could live a productive life from there, I would probably try to do so. But, that would defeat the purpose of training for a half.  

So, back to sleep. I haven't been able to nap much (read: at all) since the school year started. Amazingly, I haven't been exhausted after days where I run, which I totally thought would be the case. What I have noticed, though, is I'm sleeping like a rock most nights. This isn't always the case, for example, the nights when my brain refused to shut off after a particularly trying day, but on the whole, the sleep that comes along with training is fantastic. 

See? So many great things come from training! (This is one of those peppy things I tell myself to get through another run.)

Giving thanks

Since I missed the whole Facebook everyday thankfulness thing, I've decided to do my 30 things I'm thankful for right here. Yep, dear readers, it's 30 days of thankfulness condensed into one blog posting! 

1. I'm thankful for my wonderful family and friends. They help keep me sane. 

2. I'm thankful for my health, because most of the time, it is good. 

3. I'm thankful for a career that let's me reach young people and use my love of English. 

4. I'm thankful for running shoes that cushion the impact to my knees. 

5. I'm thankful for Jazzercise classes -- the students, the music, the energy! 

6. I'm thankful for coffee and other caffeine laden beverages. 

7. I'm thankful for peanut butter, ice cream, and all my other favorite edible delights. 

8. I'm thankful for the fact that because I run, I can now consume an entire week's worth of food in one day without gaining much weight at all. 

9. I'm thankful for a warm, cozy home to come home to each and every day. 

10. I'm thankful for the grotto, because it always brings me peace and comfort. 

11. I'm thankful for my soulmates, the people who truly understand me and know me... and love me just the same. 

12. I'm thankful to be helping my BFF plan her wedding. 

13. I'm thankful for the most amazing Godson and Godtwins in the whole wide world. 

14. I'm thankful for trips I've been able to take in the past few years -- a cruise to Key West and Cozumel, Las Vegas, Florida, Alaska, New York City...

15. I'm thankful that I am able to support my students... and that many times when those students graduate, they become friends. 

16. I'm thankful for all the blessings given to my friends lately -- babies, weddings, love, houses, moving, and more! 

17. I'm thankful for ABC Family movies. 

18. I'm thankful for my independence. 

19. I'm thankful for having so many places that feel like home.  

20. I'm thankful for the courage to try something new. 

21. I'm thankful for my parents... because they are the best parents ever and have taught me how I want to parent someday. 

22. I'm thankful for holiday get togethers and celebrations. 

23. I'm thankful for my warm bed. The. Best. 

24. I'm thankful for Thanksgiving, and spending it with my cousies... nothing better than giggling like kids, even when we're 28. 

25. I'm thankful for pedicures to help my aching feet after lots of long runs. 

26. I'm thankful for an iPod chocked full of inspiration. 

27. I'm thankful for all of the people who have offered a kind word, a pat on the back, a warm smile, or whatever else I've needed at just the right moment lately. 

28. I'm thankful that people read my blog and tell me they read it... so that way I know I HAVE to keep running, or face admitting that I've been slacking. 

29. I'm thankful for a body that tells me when I'm pushing too hard. 

30. I'm thankful for love. A lot of love. 

A conversation with the wind

First and foremost, I'm alive. So, that's encouraging. 

I woke up today, ready to tackle my 90-minute run. I ate my toast, stuffed my super cool belt with a packet of GU and a bunch of Kleenex, donned my racing watch, fired up the iPod, and walked out the door. At first, it felt like any other run. There were fire trucks at Bob's 19th Hole, but the building didn't seem to be on fire, so that was good. I had to sidestep various crushed creatures on the side of the highway, but Gigantor did not make an appearance, so I seemed to be doing fine. 

About 40 minutes in, I started to feel myself slowing a bit. This might have been due to my minty lip gloss wearing off. This might also have been due to all the hills. Anyone who says there aren't hills in northern Indiana has clearly never run on the west side near the golf courses. The hills were starting to get to me. That's when I reached for the emergency GU packet. With no water available, I choked it down the best I could and kept on going. I must have missed that window, though, because the GU energy didn't really help the rest of the run all that much. 

When I turned to start heading back toward my house, I was greeted by the wind. The SOUTHERLY wind, mind you. So, I decided to have a conversation with the wind. See, this is why I can't go running on trails with other people. This was not an in-my-head conversation... I had an actual OUT LOUD conversation. "Oh, okay, wind, why don't you just keep blowing?" "Okay, seriously, wind? This seems a little over the top." "This is bulls***! I'm running south!" I exchanged some other strong words with the wind, but I will spare you from them. Use your imagination. And then throw in a lot of extra curse words. 

When I hit the 60-minute mark, I had to walk to stretch out my right knee. Currently, my right knee and I are not on speaking terms. We made it through the rest of the run alright, but not because we were really happy with each other. 

I WAY slowed my pace down the rest of the run, but when I got back toward my subdivision, I was reinvigorated and picked it up a bit. At 82-minutes, I reminded myself this was a run/walk training program, and called it a day with the running. My 8-minute cool down walk sure was nice, although if my neighbors were watching, they probably just saw a whole lot of coughing and wheezing and nose wiping. Yeah, I'm attractive when I run. 

I came into the house, stretched everything I could think to stretch, and then made myself a chocolate soy milk/banana protein smoothie. It's the little things that make a happy life... like the fact that today I can pretty much eat whatever I want and then take a long nap if I want to, because I've already been oh-so-productive. 

On second thought, I think I'll nap first. 

Oh, and, Go Irish! 

Just GU it

Today is a rest day for me, which is glorious. Additionally, I also got EXCELLENT news today in my email inbox. 

GU now makes a PEANUT BUTTER FLAVOR! If you've ever spent any amount of time with me, you will know that I am a peanut butter-aholic. I mean that. I will spread it on almost anything. 

I've been meaning to write about GU for a while now, and what day could be better than today? 

For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of meeting GU, it is literally a gel-like substance that comes in a rip top package. The consistency is that of... I don't know what... thicker than syrup but smoother than gel toothpaste. It comes in all sorts of flavors... some are better than others. I enjoy the Jet Blackberry flavor. I have legitimately gagged when I've strayed from my stand by, so I haven't been too adventurous since. 

It's an odd substance, for sure, but it's quick and easy to eat on the go. It's easy to eat while running. It's easy to eat in the morning and wash down with a giant swig of water before I head out. I think it's easier to eat than chomps or jelly beans or real food while on the go. But, I've come across quite a few runners who won't eat it. It's a texture thing, they say, or they'd prefer something else like an energy drink. 

This is maybe the most boring blog I've ever written. But, I do like me some GU. And I plan to eat a few packets tomorrow... 

...because I'll be running for 90 minutes. NINETY minutes. That's a lot of minutes. 

I say, Bring. It.  

My mantra

I've read in a couple of different places that runners should have a mantra -- something to say when they feel like they can't lift their legs to put one foot in front of the other, or something to focus on when the lungs are burning and the brain is going haywire. It's supposed to be something simple -- easy to say, easy to repeat, perhaps even easy to run to. 

I've had a few mantra over the years (read: all both of them) that I've been running. When I first started running, my mantra, lovingly crafted with the help of my friends Berta and J was "JFI" (Just finish it). It didn't matter the time, or if I stopped running, or if I raced like a turtle. The goal was to just finish it. 

Once I realized I could finish races, my mantra evolved. I needed something to push me through those moments where I felt like I would collapse. So, I came up with,  "Light and strong." When I felt like I was going to hurl, or just hurl my body toward the ground, I would tell myself that I was light and strong. I realize it sounds too good to be true, but it actually DID help to make me feel lighter and stronger... like I was more capable. 

Lately, I haven't really had a mantra. I haven't needed one, I guess, because my runs have served more as mental clarity time and time to process a lot of my thoughts. All my mental running space has been consumed. 

If anything, my mantra lately has been more about who I'm running for. I think about the people who can't run it for various reasons. I think about the people I want to run in order to honor. I think it helps... thinking that I have something bigger to run for other than myself. 

But I'm still in the market for a good mantra, if you have a suggestion. :) 

Pinterest and running

If you've talked to me at all in the last month or two, you probably know how addicted to Pinterest I am. Pinterest, for those of you who don't know, is like a virtual corkboard website. Essentially you can find pictures of anything online and "pin" them to a board under your account. So, if you want to look for gifts, home decorations, quotes, exercise gear, school supplies, etc., you can pin it all to your boards. See Pinterest here: http://pinterest.com/journalismteach/

I have lots of boards, but it's my Exercise board that keeps me motivated to run. When I feel like it's tough to get out the door, or when I feel like I can't quite remember why I want to do this, I check my board.

Now, as cheesy as it may be, I'm all about the inspirational quotes. I know, cheesy. But, I really do love them! Things like, "Yesterday, you said tomorrow" (thank you Nike) or, "You have a choice... You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face" (thank you Gatorade), give me the motivation to go out and do it. Because even when I'm feeling slow or lethargic or tired or like I can't do it, Pinterest reminds me that, "No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch."

I also like the Exercise board because I'm able to pin gear I plan to get for the half marathon on there. Ultimately, I want to make my own shirt for the race, explaining why I run, but some of the training shirts I've found are fantastic. I mean, I would appreciate it if I saw someone running in a shirt that said, "Does this shirt make my butt look fast?" or, "I thought they said 'Rum.'" Humor, baby, even through pain, is what it's all about.

I'll use any tools I can to help get me motivated to run after a long day of work, a hard day with myself, or a bad run the last time around.

"I choose to be healthy, to grow stronger, to be as alive as I possibly can. Who's with me?"

100 days and counting

According to the handy dandy countdown calendar on the Princess Half Marathon web site, there are only 100 more days (and change) until the race. This is both exciting and terrifying. It's exciting, because on the one hand, it feels like it is actually getting closer to happening. But on the other hand, I'm terrified because I know there is much, much more training ahead. I'm also secretly worried that between now and then, I will do something really not graceful and break an ankle and not be able to race. I'm planning to avoid all broken bones for the next 100 days. 

I'm a little worried about running this week. I'm teaching extra Jazzercise classes, so I'm concerned that I won't have time for a good, productive run. Hell, I'm concerned that I'm worried I won't have time to run at all. And then on Saturday I have to run for 90 minutes... which is 30 minutes longer than I've ever run before in my life. At some point, I need to blog about my running fears. There are a LOT of them. 

In an effort to find the rainbows again, I've decided I'm going to do something nice for someone every time I feel the crud coming on. This will be good for multiple reasons: 1. I will be sure to be doing LOTS of nice things for LOTS of deserving people and 2. It has to help me find my own rainbows, right? Right.  

Rainbows

This post is not so much running related. And it contains LANGUAGE. You have been warned. 

So, last year at a staff meeting, my assistant principal was talking about infusing a more positive atmosphere into the school. He said something along the lines of, "Look, I'm not asking you guys to be going around shitting rainbows or anything, I'm just asking for you to try to make it a more positive place." 

As you can imagine, this phrase took off. There were many references to pooping rainbows said throughout the year. Our poor principal was nicknamed Rainbow Boy by our principal. I've even heard a rainbow joke or two, but none of them are coming to mind right now. 

Lately, I've been doing a shitty job of pooping rainbows. 

I know why this is. And I know what's caused it. But what do you do when your heart hurts? What do you do when you don't know which way to go? 

I know that time heals. Yep, I got that memo. And I know that what's meant to be will be. Got that memo too. And I really, really, really do believe that there's a greater plan out there. But there are quiet moments where I have to wonder why the struggle has to take sooooooo freakin' long to get through.


I'm hoping what this means is that I can push those rainbows into running. Running, running, running. 

Rainbows, people. Rainbows. 

On quitting

I have never been a big fan of quitting things. Call it being an overachiever. Call it being a complete and utter perfectionist. Call it whatever you want. I hate quitting things. 

To be fair, I never really had a chance to quit much. As a kid, I wasn't involved in too much. I didn't play sports. I vaguely remember taking a dance class when I was little, but the class ended. My neighbor Kristin taught me and some other neighbor girls to twirl batons, but then she went to college. In middle school and high school, all I really did with extra-curricular activities were choir and youth group. I didn't quit either of those things. 

But I digress. I woke up this morning and felt tired and sad. I blame the sadness on being tired. Vicious cycle, those two. My running motivation this weekend has been lacking, which it shouldn't have been, since the weather was so nice. So, I finally drag myself off the couch and check the weather. Two words:

Wind Advisory. 

"Pff. Whatever. It's 58 degrees out. Got this," says my brain. 

Wrong. Have you ever tried running into the wind? Like, a constant 25 mph wind gust? The gust literally never took a break. So, the first half of my run felt like I was running in place, mostly because I was. I swear, small children and animals were blowing past me in the opposite direction. Serious, serious wind. I was about a mile in when I thought, "Screw it. Maybe I'll just turn around and go home." 

WHAT?!? Hold the phone! There's no quitting! There's no quitting even if you're making no forward progress. There's no quitting even if you are acting like a human kite. There's just zero quitting here. 

I didn't quit. 

But I did start thinking about quitting. I have a hard time giving up on things, ideas, people. I don't know where this comes from. I feel like it has to come from my perfectionism. I've always had trouble quitting when I know something can be saved. Be it a windy run, a student, or a love, I just can't seem to quit. 

Today, it worked out well. I must have run pretty fast during the second half of the run because I figured under what I normally would have for four miles. 

Good thing I'm not a quitter. 

Today I feel...

Let me tell you how much I do not want to run right now. 

OHMYGOSHIDONOTWANTTORUNRIGHTNOW! 

Seriously. So, so, SO do NOT want to run right now. 

I'm going anyway. Boo. 


**Update**


Positive Angela is back in control, apparently. I think tired, grumpy Angela took hold there for a second. But, a successful long run has helped to bring optimism and sunshine back. 


Now, off to hit the showers, and then watch sweaty high school students bump up against each other at our Fall Ball dance. Lovely little Saturday indeed. 

The look of runners

One of the coolest things about racing is seeing all the different types of runners. With the exception of elite runners, there doesn't seem to be a body type that all runners possess, and I like that. Running doesn't discriminate, because whether you're fast or slow, you're still doing better than if you weren't running at all. 

I remember my first ever 5K in the summer of 2009. I was talked into it at the last minute by my dear friend Janet (J). It was called the Friendship 5K. It was fate, she said, so we had to do it. I'd only been running about a month, and was fairly nervous by the time we arrived for the evening race. 

When we got there, runners were all over. Some were running to warm up (a trend I've never believed in), some were stretching, some were eating, some were sitting, most were standing. I remember looking around and feeling totally intimidated. How many races had these people run? They had to be more experienced than I was. 

I remember one runner in particular. She looked like a barbie doll -- long blond hair pulled into a high ponytail, matching Nike moisture wicking tank top and running tight capri pants. She had on swanky shoes and walked around like she owned the place. "Holy crap," I thought, "what am I doing here?" I was wearing a pair of shorts I often sleep in and a tank top that came out of my "junk" exercise clothes drawer (the things I don't wear to Jazzercise in). 

When the race started, I just started running. I quickly lost the group of ladies I'd come with. I'd also, stupidly, forgotten my iPod, so I had a lot of time to listen to feet pounding the pavement and my own breath going in and out far too quickly since my music usually drowned it out. I wasn't paying attention to much except trying to follow the course, so I really wasn't noticing when I got passed, or, on a rare occasion, when I passed people. I did, however, notice when children with legs half my length went flying past, but that's another blog. 

After I finished and was trying to locate the rest of my group, I finally started to look at the people around me. Tall, short, young, old, skinny, graceful, powerful, muscular, injured... it didn't matter. We were all there for the same reason. We were all there to run. 

And that's the beauty of running... there's not one type of runner. Running is a sport that'll take anyone who chooses to try it out. Running accepts everyone. There's no one to compete with except yourself. And I love that. 

Oh, and the super fit runner in the perfect running outfit? I finished a solid four minutes before she did. Not that it's a competition... 

The dreadmill

As I left work today, preparing for my run, it was raining. Not just a light little rain, but a fairly constant rain. So, in my infinite wisdom (okay, that's a lie, I just didn't want to short out my iPod), I decided to go to Ladies Fitness Zone to run on the treadmill. 

Now, I prefer to call this instrument of torture, the dreadmill. 

I have never liked treadmills. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that I should never be on a surface that moves at a high rate of speed and could easily toss me off it at the stub of a toe. Or, maybe it's the fact that I don't run at a consistent pace and I'm constantly forced to speed up or slow down when I don't really want or need to. Or, maybe it's the fact that I cannot STAND being in the same place while moving. Literally. Can't. Stand. It. 

So, off I went to the gym and the dreadmill. I had to run 50 minutes tonight. Well, I had to Run/Walk 50 minutes. And boy, did I take advantage of that walk part of it. 

I don't know what it is. I LOVE running outside. I like running on tracks. I hate the dreadmill with serious, serious passion. 

A mile in, I stopped to walk for a minute. Stupid dreadmill. Why does it feel like I've run so much farther on there? I decided to do some speed work instead just to vary the up the horribleness of the run. So, I'd run hard for five, jog for five, walk for one, run hard for four, jog for four, walk for one... you see the pattern. 

It felt like the longest 50 minutes of my life. 

Why, why, why does time slow down when you're on the dreadmill? Seriously, is there a reason why the minutes feel so much longer on there? At one point, I honestly thought, "Thank goodness there are only 60 seconds in a minute and not 100, because I could not possibly run 40 more seconds." 

Long story short, I survived, obviously, but not without some serious mental b****ing first. This makes me slightly concerned for the winter, when there will certainly be days I cannot run outside. 

Freakin' dreadmill. 

When it all goes to...

I think one of the most powerful things about running is it's still there when it all goes to s***. The past month has been a toughie. It's been ups and downs and backs and forths and backs again. Ironically, I've also been serious about my training now for about a month. The two are not related. But it's been nice to have a constant... to know that three times a week, I'll get that hour or so to just decompress and feel however I want to feel and not have to worry about whatever happens before or after the run. Without a doubt, I know this has been integral to my maintaining a chin up, survivalist attitude. 

I suppose it's comforting to know that when you're not sure which direction to go, you can just go forward. Because if you put one foot in front of the other, eventually, you get somewhere, right? 

A note about dogs

Let me start this post by saying I am not a dog person. I know, some of you probably hate me, so you can stop reading now. I just don't do well dogs. 


I don't know when this non-love of dogs started. From birth to age seven, we had a family dog named Foo. I loved Foo, because Foo was 1,000,000 years old. She was slow and she was sweet and she was loving. She was a special dog. She was not most dogs. Most dogs slobber. And bark. And run amok. No thank you. 


Since then, my good dog experiences have been limited. Here's the thing... they don't like me. They can tell I don't like them, and they reciprocate. When I walk into a house with a dog, inevitably she will come charging at me and jump on me with her front paws. It doesn't matter where I am or what dog I'm near, it ALWAYS happens. And I don't like it. I don't like getting scratched or slobbered on. Ick. 


On my morning weekend runs, I've passed a few dogs in the neighborhoods. They're always chained or fenced in and bark to their little hearts content. I don't mind. Secretly, I silently mock them, because I know they can't get to me. 


NOT the case today. 


I had just headed out on my five mile loop. This requires running the first mile or so down a major highway near my house before I turn and head into subdivisions and farm land. I'm always hyper aware when running on this stretch anyway because it's a fast paced highway with a slim shoulder. So, here I am, running along, when all the sudden out of the corner of my right eye, I saw IT. 


IT was a GIANT black dog bounding across his yard. I figured it would be fine, because the gigantor pup probably had an invisible fence in his yard. 


NOPE. 


Gigantor came shooting across his yard, BOUNDED OUT ACROSS THE HIGHWAY, and stopped near my hind quarters to bark at me. Luckily, a minivan came along which scared the evil pup away back into his yard. I used quite a bit of adrenalin up in that exchange. 


Let's discuss WHY this was so bothersome. 


First, what kind of genius doesn't put a leash, a chain, a shock collar, a detonator on a gigantor dog that lives along the highway? I mean, I hate the little sucker, but I still don't want to see him get squashed, or, irreparably wreck someone's vehicle with its giant dog body. Second, what kind of evil dog tries to attack someone who clearly is no threat to him or his family? Evil, evil dog. 


The sad part is, this wasn't the first time I'd seen said dog do this. A few weeks ago when driving somewhere with my mom, I saw gigantor run across the road and bark at a man walking toward the gas station. I'm telling you, this dog hates humans. I bet he hates his owners, too. 


So, really, I escaped unscathed with just a bit of wounded pride from screeching at a dog. But if gigantor comes near me again, I may in fact kick him. 

Why I Run

I suppose I've yet to properly explain why I'm running this half marathon. That's something I should clarify.

If you read my earlier post, you know that I started running sort of on accident. I'm pretty sure my rheumatologist wished this accident had never happened, but you'll have that. At first, it really was a way to just burn calories and energy. But as of late, it's become the time I value the most.

I think half the reason I love running so much is for that 30 minutes or 60 minutes or, eventually, 130 minutes that I'm running, I feel at peace. Yes, that is a complete and utter oxymoron... I feel at peace while my feet pound into the pavement, various parts of my lower body ache, and my lungs often feel labored. But mentally, I can rest. I don't have to think about lesson plans or my to-do list or the chaos of life. I can find clarity in what I'm thinking -- whether it's about something happy or something heartbreaking. I love that there's finally something I like doing in the outdoors (since my love of yardwork is practically (and by practically, I mean completely)) non-existent.

But that's not why I run.

If you've met me, you know that I am nothing if not a perfectionist. And by perfectionist, I mean, seriously perfectionistic. My parents love to tell the story of how as a toddler, I was slow to walk because every time I fell, I'd get pissed off and make someone carry me. Even at age one, I wanted to do everything right.

Now, I don't run perfectly. In fact, if someone analyzed my form, they'd probably have all sorts of critiques for me. I'm not a perfect runner. But for some reason, I don't care. Don't get me wrong... I hate the days when I have to walk during the middle of a run because I feel like I should be stronger than that. I get frustrated when I don't seem to be improving much on my time (my 5K PR is currently 27:50, and likely to stay there). I get frustrated when my muscles hurt or my body seems to be slower than usual.

But really, I don't care, because I CAN run.

When I was seventeen, there was a three month period where I could barely WALK. I would shuffle across the floor with little, labored, painful steps in order to get to the bathroom, the front door, the kitchen. I wore out the bottom of my socks because I never lifted my feet in that heel to toe movement so popular among walkers. I probably took 1,000 steps in those three months, and it was only out of necessity. I truly believe I've blocked so much out of that period in my life, because looking back, I don't remember all that much.

So why do I run?

I run for everyone who can't. I run in honor of the children, women, and men affected by Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis and other autoimmune diseases. I run for those who are bedridden, wheelchair bound, or otherwise unable. I run for those with broken bodies, broken hearts, or broken spirits. I run because for so long, I couldn't, and if I can run for someone else, I'm going to.

I'm not a great runner. I'm not even a good runner. But for all the princesses and princes who can't run, especially the children who are afflicted with something that holds them back, I run for them.

I'm the Map

I have really nothing special to write today. 


BUT, what I DO have is a copy of the course map! :) 


http://espnwwos.disney.go.com/media/ewwos/pdf/rundisney/princess/2012PrincessMap.pdf

View it and weep! Or, maybe that's just me who's viewing and weeping... 

Lip Gloss and Bugs

For some ridiculous reason, tonight's 45 minute run felt like it was lasting forever. This could be for multiple reasons:

1. I was tired from a crazy day at work.

2. I was ravenous and ate a quarter of a Jimmy John's sandwich prior to said run (this, shockingly, did not give me the energy to run).

3. I was, quite literally, dodging road kill (today brought lots of smashed frogs)

4. I was, quite literally, picking bugs out of my lip gloss. 

I should explain. I'm too lazy to drive anywhere pretty to run. It seems silly to me to DRIVE to run. So, I run by my house. I have a three mile course (which takes me directly to my parents' house for whatever meal time it happens to be by), a four mile course (through Lydick and near lots of horses and fields), and a five mile course (through Fox Run subdivision). Tonight's run took me on the four mile course (with an added bonus run through the subdivision). Apparently the 60 degree weather made the bugs reappear. And my, were they out in full force. 

I'm a pretty girly girl. This transcends all aspects of my life, including running. I wear my minty lip gloss when I run. It smells good. It keeps my lip moist. It's yummy. 

The bugs agree. 

I think I caught about eight bugs in my gloss tonight while running. SO. ANNOYING. After about a mile, I wiped most of the gloss off. Cue the grumpiness of my run. 

My focus was lacking. My feet were sweating. Wah. 

The next one will be better, yes?