Okay, friends, today, we have to talk about impostor syndrome. You know this feeling, yes? The one where you feel like a total fraud? And that at any moment, someone is going to realize you're not actually supposed to be there/talented enough/good enough/whatever other crazy things we tell ourselves?
Yes. That's the impostor syndrome I'm talking about. We've all been there. Hell, I'm there right now. Allow me to explain.
So, as you probably know, I work from home. KEEP Collective is absolutely what I needed in my life post children when I knew I wasn't ready to return to teaching. It's my happy place. It's the place where I get to help other people tell their stories. It's a place where if I work hard, I can see the results. It's a place where I can accomplish goals.
It's also a place where I've seen incredible success and then setbacks. I joined KEEP in the early fall of 2015 to make a little extra spending money so that I could enroll our oldest in music classes guilt free. Three months later, I'd promoted five times - something I NEVER saw coming when I ordered my starter kit. It was a whirlwind of a journey - an incredible one that meant not only me, but many others were diving into the world of running our own businesses! Just over a year later, I promoted again to Director - something that I'm still incredibly proud of my team for.
And then six months later, we lost it. The momentum didn't keep up, and we neither did we.
I would love to say that I didn't feel badly about it, that it didn't make me sad. It did, and it still does. My team is full of incredible women who work their businesses in their own ways - full time, part time, hobbyists. I support each and every one of them and their goals - because that's the beauty of a flexible business. But it still stings knowing that we didn't get back to something we've already achieved once. It still stings now.
And sometimes, when I'm on a leader conference call or answering questions in a leader Facebook group, I feel like an impostor. No one else has ever made me feel that way - in fact, the women in my company are incredibly supportive and helpful. But I feel that way. I feel like maybe I don't deserve to be there and don't deserve the accolades that come with being a KEEP Collective leader. Silly, because it's entirely self-inflicted. But impostor syndrome is tricky like that. But it doesn't have to win.
So what do you do when, like me, you're feeling all sorts of imposter-y? Here's what's helped me most, and I'm hoping it helps you too.
Stop comparing.
It's true what they say, you know, that comparison is the thief of joy. None of us are at the same place in our journeys. So comparing your beginning to someone else's middle or end just isn't fair. Comparing your life paths gets you no where, because they haven't been the same. So, knock that stuff off. Stop comparing, and save your sanity!
Remind yourself that you've had a role in your success.
Even if you're not where you want to be, you HAVE had success, and YOU played the largest role in that. You've worked hard. OWN THAT! And even if it's not where you want to be, recognize that past successes can lead to future ones too.
Focus on what you ARE doing or CAN do.
A lot of things are out of our control. Whether in business or life, we have to take a step back and recognize that some things just aren't meant to be controlled. I can't control a lot of things in my day - the weather, other people's availability, how much someone does or doesn't want to work her business. And I could let all of that annoy me. Or, I can focus on the things I am doing or I can do. I can continue to love and care for my kids. I can continue to grow my personal business through my actions and reach outs. I AM doing a heck of a lot, even though some days it feels like I'm accomplishing nothing. Focusing on what I can do or did do makes it way easier to stomach the things out of my control.
Fake it 'til you make it.
This is truly one of my favorites. Feeling impostor-y? Pretend you're not. I realize that sounds incredibly simplistic. But sometimes just faking it really makes a giant difference. Hold your head up and fake it, and keep working until you get to where you want to be.
If all else fails, realize that no one else really knows what they're doing 100% of the time either.
I mean truly. Do any of us REALLY know what we're doing all the time? No. No way. We ALL have moments of self-doubt, fear, impostor moments. But knowing that everyone else has them too makes it just a little easier to take.
What other tips and tricks do you have? Lay 'em on me!
